Funemployment, Day Eighty Four: Gloom & Doom

america has always been a nation of overachievers (or am i thinking of japan?) and unemployment claims are certainly no exception. last week's unemployment claims were the highest in more than TWENTY SIX YEARS! yes, the last time this many people were out of work i was wearing neon ray bans and leg warmers and stalking alyssa milano at the sherman oaks galleria (R.I.P. licorice pizza and hot dog on a stick).

hiring freezes are still frozen solid and every day i send resumes into a cyber black hole, never to be seen again. and my friends who have been great about personally pimping me out to colleagues can't break through the HR iceberg. retail is hurting too, and even starbucks is shuttering stores so i can't even get a job as a coffee jockey. it's bleak out there and probably will be for awhile.

but i have been finding small glimmers of hope on recovery.gov, the info site for The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (so renamed due to incessant snickering every time someone says "stimulus package"). supposedly the act will create or save 396,000 jobs in california in the next two years. i won't hold my breath that long but at least that'll get somebody behind the starbucks counter to serve me a grande mocha. and i'll need the grande to collect all that spare change i'll be begging for on rodeo. (what...? i go where the money goes!) the recovery act will also increase weekly unemployment payments by $25 which will just about cover my coffee habit/income-supplementing supplies.


another glimmer of hope is that i'll still be able to afford my brilliant doctor who will keep me healthy till i'm 80...and still unemployed. beginning march 1 the recovery act will subsidize 65% of my COBRA coverage for up to nine months. and considering the highway robbery COBRA gets away with each month, that's a BIG help!

so i gotta run. i'm off to the doctor to finally have this gaping head wound looked at...